Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Bad day - Grace shall be as your day

Ok I've had a bad day.

I was having the compulsion to go on the internet today. That was the first time in quite a while.

This is up there with the most difficuly of compulsions for me.

It really knocked me. I couldn't believe it just came back out of nowhere.

I have felt the intensity of OCD thoughts increasing in the past week or so but for some reason still wasn't expecting this. I had forgotten what it had felt like.

The power and control a compulsion can have over you is big. I am also starting to feel the urge to count the number of letters in words, this is another big one of mine.

I did not give in though. I distracted myself with other stuff. It was hard. Even now writing this I can feel the compulsion coming back because this blog is making me think of it.

It is time to just weather the storm. Time to huddle down and just hold on tight.

Here is the opportunity to really put in to practice such techniques as mindfulness, acknowledging the thought and then distracting myself from it with something more important and then even just throwing on some funk music, this is my musical medicine.

My wife and I call my OCD 'Pete'. Giving it a name helps give the distance needed so I can understand that it's not me as such, but it is something else.

We talk of Pete when I'm having a bad day. We have even been known to tell Pete "he's an a**hole".

For some really strange reason swearing at Pete makes me feel a bit better, but then I start thinking I shouldn't do that. Nice time for the scrupulosity to kick in.

Such is life.

I have a lesson to teach this week at church, a sunday school lesson about the pioneers. I have been reading about the hymn that was written and sung at this time - Come, Come, ye Saints.

The words have been having a big impact on me this week. I honestly think that the sentiment of the song is deeply helpful to understanding trials and difficulties. Here's the words -

Come, come, ye saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell -
All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!

We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
Far away, in the West,
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
There the saints, will be blessed.
We'll make the air, with music ring,
Shout praises to our God and King;
Above the rest these words we'll tell -
All is well! All is well!

And should we die before our journey's through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
With the just we shall dwell!
But if our lives are spared again
To see the Saints their rest obtain,
Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell-
All is well! All is well!


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